Breathing slowly

I am feeling stressed, a little overwhelmed. I don’t seem to process things as easily as I did just a short time ago. It takes fewer things to get me to this point. Frankly, it is hard to deal with such a drastic change in myself. It is also quite annoying and bothersome. I am not sure why the change and the cause for it. Maybe I am more aware of my limits now or maybe there is a change within me whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual.

The process time is longer for me too. Processing change, new responsibility even if I want it and ask for it I feel it more than before. I find I need more breathing moments and stillness in my life. I think these things are good but when you are use to going and going, jumping from one task to another it is almost painful to have to adapt to a new way.

I am hot and feel a headache coming on and all I did was have a meeting this morning about a new responsibility I took on. I don’t regret taking on this responsibility, I wanted to and outside of being a mom it is my only other task. i embrace this new task and am excited about it. But, just a year ago I had a new baby, baby #3, was planning a move across country, had 5 other jobs. I flowed form each with ease and rarely got this worked up about any of them. This is why how I am feeling now is completely annoying.

I am still waiting on my tests results. Of course, now I am thinking my blood work came back fine since I have not received a call.

Oh well, I will sit here and take a few deep breathes and then make notes from my meeting to get it all on paper and in order then I know I will feel better. The next week is super busy for me…family coming into town over 3 different days, 1 more meeting, and I am throwing a huge Surprise 40th Birthday Party for my honey. Maybe the party is my biggest issue…. I have been planning and scheming and gathering all kinds of info for 3 years and here I am about a week away from it.

I find it a bit therapeutic to let y’all know all this, not because you need to but writing it all out I feel better and hey it gives you a 2 minute break from your hectic schedules to read what’s going on in this life of mine… and it could make someone feel better knowing they are not alone but that deep down we all feel the same way at one time or another.


2 Responses to “Breathing slowly”

  1. 1 Anonymous
    June 13, 2007 at 11:30 AM

    It does make me feel better to know that it’s not just me! My husband keeps asking me what’s wrong. What’s wrong? I have four children talking to me, touching me all day. I have a house I can’t keep clean, laundry that never ends, and no quiet “me” time! I love my babies, but I do get tired of feeling like I’m going to have to break something in a big way!! At least, if I go over the edge, maybe I’ll see some other people I know there, too! Gotta go clean the bathrooms!

  2. 2 Anonymous
    July 6, 2007 at 8:21 PM

    I understand a bit of how you’re feeling, and have had to grapple with the “i need medication, but don’t want to be on medication” issue. I still grieve the woman I used to be and the loss of her. When D & I took our vows, I never ever imagined the “sickness” would be me, and it would be a mental one vs. a physical one. It’s interesting. I remember when we both spoke at church on Mother’s Day,and when we were on retreat committee together. I liked you,but it was hard, because you reminded me of who I *used* to be, and it was hard to see and accept I was and am no longer that woman. Especially since I like the old me better! I’m more mature spiritually though and gotta just keep going. hang in there. I’M hoping for you it’s something that will pass!

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