06
Jul
07

Normal is as normal does?

Normal. What does that mean?

Well Webster defines it as “a: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle b : conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern”

OK well that clears it up doesn’t it? Clear as mud is what I am thinking. Doc says all my results came back as “normal”. One test still to be done in a few weeks but I am not expecting any surprises here…I bet it comes back “normal”. I am not even border line normal/abnormal. Although I know a few would disagree with that statement. However, I am smack dab in the middle of normal range I can’t even see the other side.

So based on the findings that I am normal I suppose my memory loss, anxiety attacks, hellish mood swings (on occasion), and crazy sleep is what everyone else is experiencing too. Right?! Or is everyone else the abnormal types. I am fine with the results, really I am. I am just not fine with the possibility I may need meds for a non biological reason. I have never been one to willing take drugs, I can hardly do vitamins. I’d rather sleep off a headache and I will most defiantly continue to run through any injury. (Run, Forest run is my motto). So to take a sleeping pill or something for anxiety to experiment to see if they work I am not so sure I wanna do that. I mean it will be 2 weeks before I can really see any difference than 6 weeks of pill popping to see how I really adjust and react to the drugs and then try to figure out what is the best time of day to take the sleep pill and the anxiety pill? Does my body like both at the same time or sleep in the AM and anxiety in the PM or visa verse. Gimme a break. That is causing anxiety already. If I can’t remember to take my vitamins, a pill to be taken once daily and anytime of the day do you think I could really be successful taking 2 pills and remembering which pill I take when and hoping the memory loss does not kick in and I take too many sleeping pills and freak out my kids cause mommy can’t wake up… or take too many anxiety pills…not sure what will happen there but I figure it would play out like me caring less about life and if our house catches fire I just stand there and say something like oh look at the pretty lights… it is glittering and warm, this is cozy let’s stay here and watch. That is just way to damn scary for me. I have 3 great, funny, love able kiddos whom I would like to experience life with and feel the emotions and truly be present in body and mind as they grow.

Then again maybe it is age. I am not old, not even close to mid life but we are born to die and each day brings us closer (I know truly morbid-just being a realist right now) Is it really true 30 is the beginning of the down hill? I don’t feel30, soon I will be 31…what does 30 feel like. Most of the time I can’t remember my age. I ask my older sis how old I am or a friend who is the same age cuz I forget. I just love life and live how I feel. There is no number to it… some say I look younger than my age, some say I act mature for my age. (They have not been around me long enough) What the heck does your 30’s feel like or look like? Either way I feel young, look young and can so act young.

I suppose the most important thing through all this is that I realized something was off with me and I was proactive about it. I did not just accept it without explanation and so such is life. Of course now I will say such is life since all my test thus far say I am normal… so such is life. But hey, you nor I can be annoyed with me for complaining about my issues and doing nothing cuz I did do something. I just can’t help that the tests did not having anything interesting in them.

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2 Responses to “Normal is as normal does?”


  1. 1 Anonymous
    July 6, 2007 at 8:26 PM

    do you use Oulook? I have found it, and the calendar/alarms on my phone invaluable. I also have to now tell people, “please write that down or I will forget.” when J broke his elbow a couple weeks ago, the dr. said something like, “motrin, ice, rest…” and i asked him to write it. he seemed annoyed, but oh well. when i ran out of gas a few months ago (apparently the little dinging alarm no longer works) i set a weekly alarm on my phone to get gas. it’s annoying,but it helps…

  2. 2 Anonymous
    July 6, 2007 at 9:51 PM

    Take the drugs! I’m a freakin’ basket case with the drugs, but it’s got to be better than none at all. I’m up because I don’t want to lie in bed and miss my honey while he’s lying next to me. He doesn’t “get it,” and I don’t “get it” either! Difference is that he can choose to walk away from it all while I have to live in this stupid, screwed-up body! My poor kids…will they ever know how much I really love them? Will my husband ever understand that I want to be the wife he married, but I can’t do it in this particular body? Sucks! All of it! The good news? I’m “normal,” too, according to all the tests – only I know that this can’t be normal!!!


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