23
Dec
09

Letting go and being OK with it

I will be the first to tell you I set high expectations for myself. No one expects me to meet these expectations except me…

Well this week I had to let go of one of those expectations and realize it was just not going to happen. I have made all of my kids their stockings and they have been a labor of love. It is all done by hand. They are embrodered…this takes FOREVER! If you could give your self arthritis then I would have it. I have worked a lot on Mercie’s stocking until my hands ached and my joints were stiff and I needed meds and a massage. The 3 older kids have had their stockings completed by their second Christmas. I was bound and determined to have Mercie’s done for her this year but after a few other things got in the way and took up my time and a few crying fits later I have come to realize that she will not have her handmade stocking this year. This was hard to swallow and except.

Now to be honest yes, I could have it done but that would mean my family suffers….things like baking goodies with  mom, watching a movie with hubby, mom not be stressed and focused and getting sleep would not happen. No one deserves to miss out on those things due to my obsessive behavior and well as J has told me Merice will have no idea…so I have put the stocking up and will only work on it when the fun baking with the kids, movie watching and other festive activities are over and I have time to do it without stress.

This still does not sit right with me and I cannot think about it much and I hope Christmas Day I am truly OK with it but I do know that it is what is best. It means more to everyone and me to have the memories of Christmas goodie baking and fun family times. I know  I made the right & best decision but in al honesty there is a lil bit of me that feels I let someone down and failed…yes that person is me….only if I could have more realistic expectations for myself…..

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