my love is seen as conditional!?

So I have absolutely no clue why my oldest believes/fears I will not love her when she does something wrong. I cannot recall a time where something was said or done to let her think this, yet she does. It hurts, saddens me. This morning I realized Taylor and Hannah had gotten into the candy and took several pieces. When I ask how many they took they gave me a number. I then asked them what they did…and why they choose to steal and not ask permission. I explained, but they already know, that stealing was wrong and that it was upsetting to me they did that since I know they know how to make good and right choices. So their candy stash was all thrown out. They know if they take candy without permission from their stash or someone else’s then what they have gets thrown out. There was no yelling, no condemnation, no screaming….things were very matter of fact and conversational today. I grounded them from playing with friends after school today due to this incident and due to them playing and being loud well past lights out last night. I told them I loved them but was disappointed in their choices.

Taylor wrote me a note begging me to forgive her and still love her. She even said I know you may not love me for what I did…WOW. I am glad i read it before she left for school. I talked with her about how my love for her was unconditional, that despite any bad choices she makes I will always love her.  I may be disappointed with her choice but my love is firm and steady.

I love notes from my kids, I let her know. Yet, I feel when seeking forgiveness and restitution one needs to speak it rather than write it. We need to learn to express our heart and allow other to see our heart. So I let her know I appreciated and cherished her letters but she needed to be able to talk to me (or anyone else) she sought forgiveness from and explained why. Then I asked her to show me how if she really meant it….so she did and we shared a sweet, long hug before she ran off to school.

But I am perplexed to her thinking. I realize she can have thoughts of love is based on performance just because she is human. But it does not make the blow any better. My prayer is that she will truly understand and comprehend my love for her, her daddy’s love for her is constant, pure and unwavering. She will have much heartache in life with others who demand love and base the depths of their love for her or her love for them on her performance. That is heartbreaking to know life is that way. I just hope and pray that before that kind of thing crushes her she knows that she knows that she knows she is fully accepted and deeply loved at home regardless of her actions.


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