By nature I am a pessimist. I plan the worst case scenarios for all of life’s events just in case. Anything better than that is great and I figure I am prepared for the worst if I played it out in my  head. I don’t like movies that do not end happy, hopelessly in love and all that good stuff. I can easily get into movies and so the sad, depressing, violent movies do not mix well with my personality.

Saturday I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I really had no idea what to expect, the preview I saw when it came out I thought was too weird…so I was not expecting a sad, heart wrenching, depressing movie. As a movie and a story line it was a great movie. But, it was so damn depressing and no the lovers did not end up happily ever after.

Since then I have been an emotional wreck. Not really from the movie, I just think that was the catalyst to me letting some things out. Life is good yet there are some stressors that I do not want, cannot control and stress makes me emotional.

Since New Years hubbie has only been home on weekends if he gets home. With the 4 that gets tough for everyone…him, me and the kids. Work is, well, all over the board and we feel we cannot plan things. Not even a date because he gets called to stay longer or leave earlier. I feel like Dr. Jekel & Mr. Hyde physically. Whatever this thing is that is causing issues with me is driving me mad. All I want is the diagnosis, a diagnosis. If I have that then there is a plan, steps to take to work at getting back to normal if that even exists anymore. I have not run since 1/31, It is hard to do when hubbie is not here. I am never without a child and when i only have 1 schedules does not allow that time.

Well, I will not spare those who read this anymore misery…besides I have yet another doctors appointment to discuss stuff and hope for some results.

Good night!


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