Today was a rollercoaster. We had a very busy and fun packed July 4 and many days before that. I still rose to meet my trainer at 5:30 this morning. I was worn out during the workout so afterwards I was so depleted. Just exhausted. Overall, the day was not bad. The kids had fun, we watched some movies and enjoyed laying on the couch. Yet, what I hate is those few moments that pop up and my patience is nowhere to be found. I go from calm to frustrated. It was all over silly stuff….I had a short fuse. We all have been there.

As I sit on the couch blog surfing I read this one tonight. I do not think it was by chance I chose this blog to catchup on and this entry to read all the way through. God knew I needed a mini wake up call, a redirect of my thinking…What made today different from from any other day? Why did I let the lil things get to me? Where was my patience?

Well I started off my day without spending time with God. I let the lazy day go by and did not make time for God. I let the first incident happen and not go to God for guidance, forgiveness or peace. I have de-cluttered my life recently in effort to make more time to read the Bible, be with my accountability gals and to focus on others and not me….all of that needing God in the center and I have had several great days of quiet time and prayer time. As I look back I see how busy those days were, how worn out all 4 kids have been and how there was not an issue to deal with. We only had gentle reminders of how we treat one another. And today it all fell apart.

I am not beating myself up, I know days like today will happen. My hope is I make sure they are few and far between. I am just venting here…getting the ick feelings of it off my shoulders and stating it out loud in a sense that I have a plan….a goal. My days must start right. My days must begin in the quiet, still of the morning that I enjoy (although I do not enjoy leaving my bed), it was made clear today if my plan fails my days are not going to be purposeful and blessed as those days I go to my Creator, talk with Him, be still and listen to Him.

I love my kids too much, my husband too much to get lazy, remain tired, lose myself in the busyness of life and let days go by without thought, with less love, with hasty decisions, with impatience to not cry to the One who has given them to me and go at this life together…hand in hand or days where He has to carry me. I do not want any of them to go off to college, leave my home with a list full of things they wished their mom was…more patient, more loving, more fun…etc…etc…etc…. I want them to choose to be here with their friends and not long to keep their friends at a distance and chose to go to another’s home. I am the safe place to fall, our home is the safe place to be. I desire to enjoy them in all phases of their life and I pray they desire to enjoy their dad and I in all phases of their lives.

Yes, today was no big deal in the scheme of things. No crazy mom moment where anyone was scared or freaked out…it was just a day I wish I had patience for. A day I wish I embraced them more, let go of things more, a day that ended with “mom this was a great day.” Time goes by so fast…my days with them are numbered and I have no idea how many I have with them. I pray I embrace each day with them all and live each one to the fullest, providing the safe, loving, happy, joyful, caring, compassionate, open, honest, forgiving place for all my kids to fall, and my husband to.

Here is to a brand new day tomorrow!!!


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July 2011
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