I am a terrible nurse and I hate being a patient

I have never been a good nurse.

Even with the kids I do not have that great, comforting bedside manner and fawning all over the kids every need when they are sick. I do not do belly rubs, hot or cold wash cloths etc… I make sure they are comfy in their bed (sometimes on the couch) and administer meds as prescribed with plenty of fluids. I personally want to be left alone when I am ill. No need to ask how I am because if I am still in bed, not made up for the day and vegging anywhere I am not better, I still feel bad so let me feel bad in peace.
My poor nursing skills are extended to Jason as well. He knows this all too well. He wishes it were different, I try to be better but he can see through that and it just doesn’t work. When Taylor was around 2 or 3 years old and Hannah as around 1 or so Jason came down with a butt kicking case of pneumonia. It was bad. He was in the bed for a good week… and I mean only getting up to go to the bathroom. Not eating, no moving to the couch, nothing. He would go from on hot fire to frigid cold in minutes. So what did I do? Gave him a bell, a glass of water, his meds and shut the door. Occasionally I checked on him… Yup, that’s all I could muster when he was feeling like he was on his death-bed.
We laugh about it now and he is always saying what if something serious happens to me and you have to be my care taker? And my reply, the same reply every time for the last 12+ years… “That’s what insurance is for… I will hire a German nurse named Helga!” And I am sure he is cringing beneath his polite chuckle.
So anyway, last Tuesday I could barely walk getting up or moving position took everything I had and was slower than a turtles pace. I thought I was being well-mannered… but during the day Jason blurted out “you are a horrible patient, maybe even a worse patient than you are a nurse!”
Well, he is right. I hate being down. I hate having to take it easy or go slow. I want any ailments remedy be a short nap, maybe a pill and I am cured. Heck after my babies were born I barely spent time in the hospital. With Hannah I wasn’t even at the hospital 12 hours after she was born, we packed up and left when she was 11 hours old. I only stayed a night with Mercie because, well there were 3 others at home and I was selfish with wanting our newborn all to myself.
A day after surgery 4 years ago I wanted to clean house. A week after I was ready to go for a run. It was a battle in our house as Jason would tell me to sit, lie down and just be still and I couldn’t stand to do that for 5 minutes.
I found out this week I have Degenerative Disc Disease. Basically my discs in my back are getting old, flattening and have less fluids. They are not acting as the great shock absorbers they once were and thus making them less flexible. We all have it and pain or no pain differs from person to person. Last week I was immobile for an entire day and have been a hob-a-long ever since, going on a week and a half of chronic back pain sucks. Some days are better some are worse. I am learning to not wear non flat shoes 2 days in a row and any amount of sitting takes me from doing well to a major increase in pain and less movement.

As you can imagine a week and a half into low back pain that prevents me from sitting with any sort of ease, doesn’t allow me to bend over and well nothing will take the pain away and I have no idea how long this “episode” will last is not working out well. Between errands yesterday I had to lie on my back for a good 30 minutes before proceeding. Today I have just chosen to not sit except for the short drive to get dog food.
Luckily, I can still workout. Of course I modify as needed and there are just some things I cannot do right now… like planking or a push up. So the family is lucky that I can stay sane! In fact I feel so much better after a workout. Until I have to sit down… this makes driving a dreadful task.
Maybe I can figure out a way for weekly massage and a maid… I just think Jason chuckles at me. He hates I am in pain but he deals with far worse daily and has for years and carries on like a real trooper while I whine about it and am learning how to act as if the pain is not there.


1 Response to “I am a terrible nurse and I hate being a patient”

  1. 1 Melanie
    September 12, 2013 at 10:14 AM

    I’m so sorry, B. You know I totally get what you are going through. {hugs} You need anything, I’m just a iMessage away.

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