Archive for May, 2017

11
May
17

Are we ever ready?

I feel stuck. I don’t want to move. Maybe if I stay right here time will stand silly a little while longer. I am not ready to be a witness to life’s big changes. Can we go back to sill shopping days and pushing the big kids around in store buggies, and blind soap smelling and late night games?

New beginnings are beautiful and I am excited but I am also sad about the ending of this phase in life.

Goodness me, if I am so emotional now how am I going to deal with my own children’s big and exciting life events.  We are far from the stages of the kids walking, talking, and learning to do things on their own. We are staring at the stages of moving out, being on their own and finding their own life and creating that while we sit on the sidelines.

I knew these things would be hard… I knew I would miss many things… I am not ready, but is anyone ever ready?  It all goes by so quickly….

01
May
17

Sometimes words are not needed.

Next week we head east and I couldn’t be more excited.

I am very much looking forward to a change of pace, scenery and seeing some of our favorite people.

Mercie is hoping to get lots of Jackson time… he’s getting married. I think she might be a little heart broken. She keeps asking where she gets to stand at the weeding as the flower girl… she believes the only option is by Jackson.

Twenty years, I’ve known this family. They were the ones J sought their opinion of me on when we were dating. I played and attended preschool and kindergarten events with them. All of them were in our wedding. They helped me un pack my house, hang up pictures, the boys played with my girls, made purses for them, snuggled my babies and we’ve had many shopping adventures in costumes and dinned with alias’s. The list goes on for the silly and fun things we have done together.

There have been crazy kitchen creations, late night games, vacations, surprise visits, many birthday and New Year’s celebrations, a lot of reality TV and soap opera commentating, over the top parties to celebrate each other… the 20 + years of friendship, family-ship, between our families has been like any other family… a roller coaster but at the end of the day we care for each other and what’s going on and we always show up for the other when needed.

We’ve sat in silence with one another during some of life’s biggest moments. We don’t typically discuss them before during or after. We all know there is so much emotion and we all don’t enjoy the ugly cries. We are just there. I can recall, promotion ceremonies, graduations, disastrous events and all that is said is ‘I am here, are you ok?’ We accept the one word answers. I believe we hear what is not said. You cannot under estimate the power of the person who passes you a tissue before you know you need it.

Despite the times where emotions ran the show between any of our family members and things that were said that should not have been said to the things not said that should have been said and the early morning, last minute changed departures we still are the person’s person in the most precious, exciting, and scary times we face in life. You just can’t find that anywhere and it just doesn’t happen overnight.

It is life changing times like the upcoming wedding that I feel we say the most when we speak the least. There is so much emotion wrapped up into this trip I truly don’t have words. But we will all be together, we will smile and dance and raise a toast or 2 and the hugs will be long and tight and they will say all that needs to be said and more. Call us wimps or crazy for not uttering words but not all of us need to verbally say what needs to be said for the other to hear our heart.

I cannot wait for next week but there is a little sadness to it… kids grow up and create their own lives, move on and get married… it just makes all of us getting together that much harder and maybe less often and I am not sure if I am OK with that.

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