Frequently I have to catch by breath and stop to ask myself when did my kids get to be so grown and great and amazing and beautiful and capable and…and…and… Time flies faster each year, that carousel is spinning at light year speeds and it isn’t going to slow down let alone stop. My first baby started high school today… she was a bundle of excitement and nerves. It is a large school and she is like me, needs to know where she is going and how to get there before she can feel more comfortable.
Today as I drove her to school I looked over and said something like yeah, high school… I honestly do not remember because what she said next had arms that reached into my chest and grabbed my heart and wouldn’t let go. I felt the sudden jolt of reality and pain and realized a little bit more of this parenting thing means they leave and while we know that deep down and while we may dream of plans when kids are grown etc… I think we quickly forget how fast it goes and for those of us that haven’t released a child from the nest it may as well be like and imaginary friend… we can’t see it, we don’t know what it feels like, it seems far away…
She blurted out”4 more years before I am gone mom!”
WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT? She has no idea what that did to me. Even if I told her she couldn’t comprehend that. Why did she feel she needed to say it? I mean she is 14, she knows nothing about what a parent feels, how much we love with our whole beings, how deeply we hurt when they hurt and how hard it is to not break down with each passing phase and I doubt she can understand the sorrow and joy we can feel at the same time, the kind that makes us sob so loudly, ugly and we fear we will never stop. All she knows is the excitement growing up can bring, more freedoms, driving, graduating, working (cuz work seems cool and new and fun..HAHA). But OUCH! That stung, it hit me in the gut, yet, I am so excited for all my kids and each new year. I am loving who they all are becoming and if that carousel of life wasn’t spinning I wouldn’t know them like I do.
So today marks 12th year (preschool included) I have cried on the first day of school. Each year it seems to happen later in the day than it use to but I am not sure I will ever have a first day of school that is tear free and I have 10 more to go.
So thankful for friends to spend the mornings with after school drop off and quiet days it brings; it is good for my soul and in turn good for my family. I am very eager to hear from all 4 of them about their first day. They were all excited and ready for a new year. So very, very thankful the amazing and loving friends they all have new and old to enter this new school year with.
P.S. love my paint touches up I need to do? Gees, there once was a time I would have painted that before I took the picture…