I am learning that teaching my children how to do life is the easy part. The hard part is letting go, allowing them to do life, learn the lessons, experience the pain, hardships and the joys and excitement, (although the joy and excitement part really isn’t that hard).
I feel confident with the conversations, examples and advice we have talked with our children about. I am glad Jason and I can be open, honest and real with them. I believe we have a healthy and open line of communication with our children that we all respect.
However, there is no amount of advice I can give, hugs I can wrap them in, or hours of conversation and hanging out with them that will make some situations they deal with better, or go away. As a mom, I want to make it better but also, as a mom I have to equip them with how to make it better and let them learn and have the experience so when they are on their own they are confident in the abilities to deal with any situation.
But for crying out loud can someone just offer a hand or stand up and say “the rest of you are acting like stupid, selfish, self-centered, hateful people and I won’t stand for it any longer; don’t you see not making a stand, not calling it out, not showing the right kind of care is no better than those being hurtful? At least they have the guts to be ugly and rude for the world to see. The rest of y’all are cowards.”
One of my beauties is going through friendships changing and it has not been a walk in the park. There have been really bad days and there have been good days and peace with some things. But it hurts to hear that when she walked away because the silence and rudeness given to her was deafening no one cared she walked away. If some cared why did they never seek her out, ask if everything was ok, offer to sit with her, send her a note?
Letting the situation be what it is, is not easy. I want to march up in there and call some of them out because I know they know better and I know they know their actions would not sit well with their parents. But trying to resurrect a dead horse never goes well and I have to let my children learn that letting go is ok, moving on can be good and is better than staying where you are not made to feel wanted.
Some ask why I don’t do more. If we have thought about homeschooling or a different school etc…etc… sure those thoughts may cross our mind but we do not feel the situation calls for such action. Feelings are being hurt because people change or find new friends. Swooping in to change scenery, or prevent them from learning how to let go, move on, make new friends won’t serve them later in life. Trust me if there was anything going on that we thought was a dangerous situation our actions would be different. But for now, daily conversations on what happens during the day, how they feel, what they think about the situation, what more could they do and so on is our chosen course of action. We won’t raise them in a bubble (no matter how much I want to some days) our job is to provide the tools and self-confidence that they need to learn to manage the many different things they may encounter. They have to leave home one day, I want to know they are ready, but to know that I have to see it in action while they are still in our care and protection. No one will fight harder and throw the gauntlet down faster and swoop in to take them away if things come to that more than I would. It is hard for me now because I want to do that today, I wanted to that yesterday, but what does that teach my kids? It says mom will come running when life gets uncomfortable and make it better and I won’t have to deal with things I don’t like. That lesson will only impair them as adults.