The one where they graduate

Last night was her party. It was fabulous and fun. So many friends came over to celebrate and we partied for hours. I’m so excited that she chose my all time favorite show for her photo booth backdrop. (I love watching all my kinds binge watching my fav show. )

Tonight is the grad ceremony. She’s ready and she can’t wait to check it off her list.

Right now, sitting in my living that is sprinkled with confetti and party decorations and crumbs on the floor I’m drinking my coffee slowing waking up…

I didn’t expect to sit here and cry.

I wasn’t expecting for a wave of emotions of the finality of this stage for her to hit me right now. In truth I’d rather it didn’t. But I’m trying and learning to embrace and welcome all my emotions in a more healthy manner.

Maybe I can pass off the tears on the fact I’m watching Josh play Fort Night. Parents, can you relate?

Anyway, Taylor’s time here has ended and now she’s ready to soar.

Mercie’s Elementry career is over and we said Adios to 13 years of elementary school yesterday and I was so ready for that goodbye.

So today is the first day in a new stage of life and it feels similar to the day coming home from the hospital with our firstborn… not knowing what to expect or feeling confident we knew what we were doing.

When they start to leave

I get that whatever season you’re in right now maybe hard but if you’re not in the leaving the nest season you just can’t know the same kind of hard. But maybe you do… I realize we’re all different and our pain tolerances are never the same. Then there’s the million ways we deal or don’t with emotions. I’m guilty of not dealing with them and then it all spills out from an overflowing cup and I am a hot mess.

I thought labor was hard but that pain stopped when I held my baby for the first time. Then I thought potty training was the devil and toddlers terrible attitudes were out to get me. Then there was the adjustment from 1 to 2 kids and that first year sucked. I had zero sleep because my dearest second daughter loved and only slept through the night on my neck. Literally, horizontal across my neck.

Have you ever tried to count the white dots of popcorn on your ceiling? I did that year and then when J would kiss me goodbye in the morning I would sob because my eyes never closed and the 2 year old would be up soon.

Then losing a baby in the 2nd trimester killed me. That was hard and hard to work through when your husband traveled ALL THE TIME and you have a 9 m old and a 2 year old who demand all of you all the time.

Anyway, 4 kids happened and all the elementary school events and money collections, parties, student led conferences that were way too long and recorder concerts… why?! But seriously 4 kids in elementary I am barely checked in for the last one whose in 5th grade. I’m just done.

Then middle school issues. That was hard and awful and we had to deal with stuff I’d never wish would happen to anyone. I didn’t sleep much those years either. When your kids can look at you and know to bring a glass of wine and chocolate you know it’s a hard season because they’re in it and can see it all over your face.

But, in comparison, looking back that stuff feels like a breeze to what is going on now.

We’re in the season of kids leaving home. Our first one leaves in 3 months. The pure excitement we have about that and all the good things we know are coming her way does not make it any less hard. I have always only wanted to be a mom and I’ve been blessed but losing the front row seat to their daily lives is difficult. I love seeing and talking to them everyday. We have fun together and laugh a lot.

I’m thankful for those that have gone before me and know that it’s a daily struggle to keep it together. They know I’m walking around with tears on the verge of falling, that I can’t stop the countdown and I’m trying to make sure each moment is captured. They know it takes great effort to maintain when all you wanna do sometimes is cry because you worry if you did enough, if they will still love home, if they will call you, if they remember all the things you taught them. They know that you tried to avoid and fought writing that letter for senior recognition event but when the words came so did the ugliest of the ugly cries that left you with a headache and drained and you needed to sleep for 3 days afterwards.

You know they knew all of that because they sent a text or called telling you that you were strong and could handle it and yes it sucks and it’s so hard but you’ve been a great mom. There’s comfort in knowing they truly know what you’re feeling and can relate.

But I say to those of you who aren’t there yet don’t lose connection because you’re unsure of what to say or can’t imagine how it feels or you feel your life is just to busy. Busy never stops so that excuse is a poor one. I’m busy, busier this month then ever. The mental business is exhausting yet I cherish the chats with my other friends who are having kids leave the house and look for opportunities to take a breath and enjoy a moment focusing on something else. Those things are sanity savers and life lines somedays. The truth is the lack of reaching out and truly wanting to check in and make time for a chat or night out as a distraction says a lot and probably not the message you want to pass on. But silence is painful and loud. You’ll be here one day and I’ll be your person who has gone before so don’t let relationships suffer over busyness or laziness. Life is meant to be lived in community.

She’s off to great places and we are so exited. We cannot wait to see her future!

Taylor’s Sock Hop

Taylor is 12 so we celebrated in 1950’s fashion complete with poodle skirts, cat eye glasses and a soda shop.

Here is a glimpse into her fun!!!

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I take my job seriously!

As a stay at home m om to 4 with a traveling husband I have to be on the ball 24/7. I have no sick days, few days off and the burden of raising happy, healthy, brilliant, God-loving children weighs heavy on me.

Today while I was buying the masses of food it takes to feed the munchkins and get things done before a week off from school I got a call from the middle school nurse. Taylor was in the clinic with a fever that was climbing. I was at least 25 minutes away. Well, I finish and head out to the country to go get Taylor. We get in the car and I begin the ER triage questionnaire to determine what the next steps will be…. home to bed, Urgent Care, Our beloved Pediatrician and so on. After my assessment of the situation I decide that my superior nursing skills must surface and we tackle this illness head on!

Beware! The picture you are about to see may be disturbing to some. Please proceed with caution. I am not responsible for any shock, trauma or PTSD you may experience today or ever.

Now, I would like to take this time and thank my mom and her excellent nursing skills. Without her I am not sure where I would be today. See, my mom was the best nurse, even when had the dreaded illness named HOOKIE. On those days especially, we would go to Hardee’s after the rest of the kids went to school and get some cinnamon rolls. Then we would run errands, shop or go home and play. And just before my siblings walked in the door from school in the afternoon I would grab a pillow, lay on the couch and mama would cover me up. I may have napped a bit but we all enjoyed after school cartoons together.

So having my own children now I feel the need to not dread sick days but make the most of them and be the best nurse possible. So I gave Taylor some Tylenol, fed her lunch and since no other symptoms were present and she was not lethargic we went to the mall before Mercie got out of preschool and had a little fun.

Thanks mom, I LOVE YOU. Sorry if Amanda, Meagan, and/or Bubbie call you to complain or inquire about the recurring HOOKIE disease I had. But I figure they are old enough to deal with it and heck, isn’t it obvious I am your favorite? They should know that by now right?!